"I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants."
(A. Whitney Brown)

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"The more things change, the more they remain... insane."
(Michael Fry and T. Lewis)

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"The difference between a democracy and a dictatorship is that in a democracy you vote first and take orders later; in a dictatorship you don't have to waste your time voting."
(Charles Bukowski)

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"If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt."
(Dean Martin)

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"Never fight an inanimate object."
(P. J. O'Rourke)

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"It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth."
(George Burns)